TETE, LESTAI

Tete, lestai, the very words our Lord Jesus Christ mentioned before releasing His last breath on His crucifixion. The word is greek and means, "It is finished."
I have done my part. The problem is, I have failed. All my labor, put to waste, all my efforts, in vein.

So many questions going through my mind right now. Why did I fail? What have I done wrong? Were my intentions bad? Do I deserve all of this? Am I feeling remorse right now?

Everything's been said and done. I can not do anything more to fix the situation. As I have said before, the only reason for me to leave is when she asks me to leave. The way she texted me, it only translates to, "you're fired!" She obviously doesn't want me in her life anymore. Am I foolish enough to force myself into her life when she doesn't need or want me anymore? HELL NO! So the actions to be taken here are, to erase her completely from my memory, to destroy anything that reminds me of her and to cheat myself that I have never ever met such a person. I hope I will succeed. I hope I don't fail this time.

I have given too much of myself to a person who never really cared about me nor even noticed I existed. I wasn't really expecting anything big, like for her to love me back. All I wanted was something like for her to heed my words, after all it was for her own good. I have to admit, I have never experienced this much pain, maybe because I have never loved this much. I would have stayed if she only asked me to, but no, she did not. I hope she realizes to give importance to the people who really love her rather than those people she flirts with before it's too late. After I leave there is still one person left in her life and I just hope that she doesn't mess things up or that person might leave her too.

She has changed my life. She has taught me how to sincerely smile again, how to love my life because without my life, I wouldn't experience the joy she gives me. Now, I'm afraid that all of this will be gone. I will be back to my old self-destructive hating self.

Sooner or later, my life will retire. And here are some words I'd like to leave just in case I'd wish to make it sooner. To the countless lives that I have touched, I congratulate you for doing a good job and making me proud of you and I thank you for not making me feel like a terrible failure such as this last one did. To the people I have loved, and the three particular people I have loved the most, thank you for allowing me to be part of your lives.

I apologize to the people who believed I could help and guide her till the end. I apologize to my Lord Jesus Christ who has bestowed upon me this mission which I have failed to accomplish. Lastly I would like to apologize to myself for abandoning every great pleasure in life to take upon this endeavor which would only end up futile and fruitless. I am very sorry. It is finished!