SLOWLY SINKING

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12.11.2006

Why is it that the female gender around always end up hurting me? Am I just that stupid to fall for the crap they dish out in the beginning but they eventually contradict after a period of time?
Am I a sucker for pain? Why don't I just learn. Why do I go through all these over and over again? Was I a born crash test dummy?

I was just searching for a meaningful relationship, for someone to love and some one to love me back. It just seems that I don't deserve to be happy. No one wants me to be happy! Depression is constantly consuming me, like i'm slowly sinking in quicksand, only its not made of sand... the grains are made of burning sulfur. Can you picture the sensation I'm feeling right now? The pain and agony I am presently experiencing?

The truth is, I'm getting to enjoy it. I love the pain! it turns me on. It stimulates my blood. It keeps me alive. I don't want to die anymore. For if I die, I would miss the experience of pain.